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Sunny @Hikikomorii


Artist, yea no


Joined on 12/7/20

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Small Note

Posted by Hikikomorii - May 12th, 2021

TW // s* mention.

Life has been getting tougher and tougher for me, I was sorta hoping i could get money back for my family before my death but my heath both mental and physical is worsening, My lungs and heart condition is getting so bad and i can’t even afford a doctor, the easiest way out and the easiest on my family money wise is probably suicide, i’ve been suicidal for 7 years and at this point i haven’t felt happiness in 2 years. my depression is impossible to deal with and i’m not even on my medication anymore since after 2 weeks i got serious anger issues and got violent. which everyone in my life will not stop mentioning which just leads my depression to get worse and worse since i’ve always wanted to be a good person but i’ll never be. i ruin everything around me and bring everyone the worst luck. to everyone who has been kind bough to even react to a comment or anything i have posted to shared. i’m thankful for you, little things lie that made life that little bit easier to deal with at times. but at this point. i’d rather kill myself than struggle to wear a smash due to fainting, having no friends, or anything of the sort.

i wanted to see so many things happen but i just can’t live if i don’t die now i’ll just die shortly later on.

atleast before i was robbed i could fund that FNF game, donate to charity and make one last friend happy.

I’ve done everything i’ve wanted in life, except grow up and be an embalmer. i’m still young. hell i turn

15 this year, august 22nd but i don’t think i can make it that far. i mean, i ont live in the best family and my lack of attending school due to mental issues and losing my only irl friend a few months ago made it worse. i’m going to fail my exams since the max percentage of the stupid system is 50% so there no chance in hell i can get that, i’ll just be pushed back a year and not even be able to move schools and even if by miracle i can move schools chances are since our money was stolen i won’t be able to afford a bus, uniform, bag, books or anything and would get hit by a car trying to walk 8km to school. which considering how bad my health even is now i doubt i’d be able to even walk 1km since i need crutches.

this is my smallest platform, or maybe twitter would be? i don’t know.

it just felt better posting it to my smallest than my largest.

in conclusion, suffering from severe autism, anxiety, social anxiety, depression and just deteriorating health and trust issues is too much for me. family life isn’t nice either lol.

i hope you all have wonderful lives, i don’t really know how to properly kill myself since i’ve tried before and failed due to weakness but i’ll try to ind something. maybe i’ll just slowly starve myself since it might be the easiest and gives me time to figure out who i want to tell or what i want to jive before i go.

if i’m not active well i’m dead, or probably too ill to even check newgrounds but at that rate; i’d feel like i’m dead.

thank you for being a wonderful kind community

Comments (1)

I know,life can be hard but think of the pain you would be causing your family if you went through with your plan.
I also have had moments when I felt that my life was only full of hardships,however,for some reason,I still had a small sense of hope that things might get better if I just held out another day.At the time,I would have considered that feeling as nothing but a delusion as it didn’t make my problems go away.It took me sometime to realise that instead of spending time trying to find an escape from my problems,I could try thinking of ways of facing them.As I could only depend on myself (because of being literally alone out there),I had to adapt to my problems and fight them one by one.Even if a plan didn’t work,I kept creating and throwing ideas until something stuck.Thinking back on it all,it was a nightmare but I didn’t regret making the struggle to reach where I am.And as much as I dislike having to awake and face my problems everyday,they’re also the same reason why I was able to keep going until now.I also learn that in life,we all have to take the good with the bad and even if it seems that everything is ‘bad’,we just have to try to see the better side of it all.

The first thing I you can do is to talk to someone you can trust like a family member of friend about what you’re going through and see if they have any advice.It isn’t easy but you just have to start small and move slowly from there.You can also write down your thoughts if you want to be more private.Stay strong and hang in there no matter what!